Helicopter parenting and estrangement

There's been an increase in the number of people going no or low contact with family members, for what on the outside looking in, seem like trivial reasons, such as political differences or a parent being perceived as needy. Helicopter parenting, might help explain the spike in family estrangement, so posits this article by Leonora Barclay in Persuasion, with which I'm inclined to agree.

Barclay describes helicopter parenting as "parents being intensely involved in the lives of their children beyond the point where such involvement is healthy (this is related to the phenomenon of “enmeshment,” where boundaries between family members are blurred or non-existent). Helicopter parenting involves parents not wanting their children to go out and do things for themselves, often because of a misplaced fear for their safety."

Living under these stultifying conditions can lead to children feeling emotionally suffocated. Children are never let off the leash to discover how to navigate life's treacherous topography, from the peaks of its triumphs to the levelling morass of mistakes.

According to Barclay, children become unable to develop their own identity whilst growing up, which leads to a search for autonomy in adulthood. Barclay points out that "growing up in an environment with constant parental coddling. You’ll naturally desire boundaries whilst also struggling to complete small tasks and imagine everyday life without an omnipresent adult."

Eventually, adults end up feeling like only a dramatic rejection can create the boundaries they desire, and so in a bid for freedom and autonomy, they rebel as adults. Barclay:

But of course, the consequences of an adult rebelling against their family are much bigger than for a teen. A teen usually lives in the family home, part of the family’s daily routine, and possibly receiving an allowance. They are directly motivated to quickly reconcile with their parents. An adult, by contrast, has no such motivation. Living away means no longer having daily in-person contact with close family members. The individual isn’t incentivized to put up with their family’s competing perspectives. Living separately also makes it easier to paint family members and their motivations in the worst possible light; living in close proximity, by contrast, often forces reconciliation. While you may hate your parents for a few hours, you also remember you still love them.

Finally, living with roommates or having a circle of friends to go out with means that family has a limited role in an adult’s social life. Having a separate life from your nuclear family is a key part of growing up, but it also means that the factors that push even an extremely rebellious teenager to reconcile with their parents are much weaker—making it easier for adult children to simply walk away.

It makes sense to me.

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