Boyfriends and YouTube

Charlie Sosnick wrote an article for GQ (paywall) about men who spend a lot of time on YouTube and it's fascinating hearing about the central place YouTube occupies in some men's hearts. It can be a force for good for some, but for others, it's compulsion and habit that interferes with their intimate relationships.

According to Sosnick "YouTube has joined sleep and sex on the shortlist of activities that occur between the sheets." Gaffney, who was interviewed for the article says that the amount of time he spent on YouTube hindered sexual intimacy with his partner.

“ I understood how important that intimacy was in that pillow-talk setting, but I wanted to be listening to YouTube also,” he [Gaffney] says. His craving for YouTube at bedtime was so intense that he hid it from the women sleeping next to him. He’d often put his left earbud in, surreptitiously listening to his preferred sedatives: true-crime podcasts and Larry King interviews. “When they knew about it—and they would always find out—it was a real conversation,” he says. “I’ve had varying degrees of women feel like I’m choosing YouTube over them.”

Some men find YouTube a useful sleep aid, or comforting, "like an old friend." As Sonsnick points out, "The combination of YouTube’s immense variety and hyper-precise algorithm makes it feel like the opposite of mass media," which allows one to cosy up with arcane fascinations.

For some, sharing YouTube interests and watching each other's niches can bring people closer together.

I only use YouTube as sleeping aid when I have a power nap, so I understand its soporific charms. Luckily I don't need it to fall asleep at night. I do have empathy for the fact that, sometimes, all you want to do is watch YouTube. Whether that's solo or together, depends on how intimate you want to be.

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